Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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