i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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