my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I could make wine with my vomit
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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