so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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