Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
