She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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