I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
