i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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