I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
