I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
