Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
