I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
