if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
