also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
