Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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