i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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