how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
