i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
