I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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