she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
