so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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