Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
