Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
