I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I cockslap morals
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize