I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I lost the right to judge tonight
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
