i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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