he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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