i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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