On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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