Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
