We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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