this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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