I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
