i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
