I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
