Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
