the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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