I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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