Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
