I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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