Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
