good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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