So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize