I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
