He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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