You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
