I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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