I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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