Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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