Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
