need another drink. this is the easiest way
you have to choose: penises or morals?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
